THOUGHTS OF A VISIONARY

Life feels so surreal. I wake up every day different like I am several people from a video game crammed in one body, spontaneously changing character as they please. Like the sky is always different, so am I. Pastel pink and blue skies calm me, but ferocious burning ambers warm and thrill me. I've heard that you should challenge yourself once every day, getting out of bed can be mine today. Ahh. As I drag my legs out of bed like pulling a rusty anchor from the bottom of the ocean,  I can endure the standard blunt ache, pain and soreness in every fibre of every muscle of my legs from my training/torture of the night before telling me that they've had enough, begging me not to push them anymore but I fight the desire to collapse back down and continue to walk anyway.

I'm not a 'morning person', but I do secretly love the mornings. I dislike being disturbed from my escape of reality, a beautiful senseless dream after forcing myself to face the day and remove myself from the comfort of my bed that always feels like I am the filling of a fluffy cloud sandwich in the morning but any strangers cold bed at night. All of this counterbalanced with the sun, soft but blinding, peaking over the black outlines and shapes of buildings shooting golden rays at my dusty window that seep light through the oak wooden blinds whilst the room glows with an autumn warmth. Most of all the blissful silence and numbness of the world and my mind. Erased memories, empty roads and lifeless streets. If I'm lucky, I won't remember the stresses and worries of yesterday for a while, I will feel light and free like helium has been pumped into my lungs, as if I could float out the window and touch the sunlight with my fingertips. Until the deafening ring of the alarm shakes me out of my bubble and i become exposed to the harsh world we live in. The silence is interrupted by the buzzing of merged voices getting louder and closer, the light is blocked out by scrambles of crowds and endless numbers of indistinctive faces, i remember everything i  wanted to forget and suddenly i am not floating, i am falling, faster than  my brain can process. Overwhelming thoughts swarm my mind like distressed bees in a hive flooded and oozing with honey.
 My body takes control and routinely stretches my arms upwards reaching for the ceiling knowing I won't contact it as I slowly rise up to my toes and with the cracks of my bones,  I'm ready.

(An old extract written in 2013)